Once we knew that we would be filmed, trainers came from the Missionary Department in Salt Lake City. Every morning we met, reviewed Preach My Gospel, role-played, got feedback, and tried again. While the experience was exhausting, it was also really special. The Spirit was strong and you could tell our teachers knew their stuff and really cared about us. They would teach, listen carefully, and ask questions.
Receiving Feedback
At first, it was incredibly hard to hear feedback during these meetings. I was not confident in my teaching skills, my understanding of the doctrine, or my ability to learn how to implement changes. Then I had an experience that broke down my defensiveness.
It was during a training meeting. I had been quietly listening, feeling like the most inexperienced missionary in the world as I watched the others confidently teach solid doctrine. I was trying to fade into the background when Brother Allen gave us a scenario. “You’re walking back to your car after an appointment and see someone walking towards you, walking their dog. What do you do? Sister Voyles? Why don’t you come up here and show us?”
I froze. Had he said my name? Oh wait, I have a companion. He has to know how new of a missionary I am. Relieved I turned to Sister Zaldivar and smiled, expecting both of us to get up. She would be able to help.
“Just you, Sister Voyles. Show us what you would do.”
I would walk as fast as I could to my car, jump in, and drive off. Somehow I knew that was not what he was looking for.
I slowly stood up, my brain spinning. I quickly stammered out a friendly hello. I asked how he was doing, told him who I was, and invited him to hear more. All in all, I could feel myself speaking quickly and relatively confidently and I was so proud of myself. I was doing it! I was being a missionary!
A little flushed, I finished and smiled triumphantly. Done. I waited for the praise I just knew was going to come and started to walk to my seat.
Accepting Feedback
“Wait, you’re not done.” I turned around.
“Ok let’s try that again.” Again? What?
“But this time, I want you to pause and let the Spirit in. Only speak when you know the Spirit is guiding your words.”
Wait? Was he implying that I hadn’t spoken by the Spirit? Immediately I felt the kick of defensiveness but in addition, I felt something quietly whisper in my heart, “Just try it. Give this a chance.”
So I turned around and looked him squarely in the eyes. I took a deep steadying breath and paused, feeling a little like I was stepping over a ledge. I felt the pause end, praying for the Spirit to help me, and started slowly talking. As I asked questions and listened, I felt my trust in the Spirit start to grow. I fumbled a bit with my phrases but every time I felt the Spirit guiding me. Basically, I acted like a normal human being instead of a robot trained to spit out phrases.
As I shook his hand and walked away, I felt the glow of the Spirit and a peaceful, overwhelming knowledge that I could do this. It would be hard and humbling, but if I trusted in the Spirit and was patient with myself and letting go of my pride, Heavenly Father would help me.
Understanding the Purpose of Feedback
For the first time, I started to understand why feedback is so important. It wasn’t to humiliate me. It was to help me be better. And the beautiful part was that I didn’t have to be perfect. I didn’t have to know everything and how to be a perfect missionary. I had time and space and experiences that would teach me how to be a better representative of Jesus Christ.
sistervoyles.com 