As the final prayer of that zone conference in my first area ended, Sister Zaldivar began introducing me to other missionaries. I had only been in the mission a few weeks and was still getting to know everyone. I smiled and greeted people and tried hard to remember names and faces. Everyone was so kind and I savored the feeling that I belonged. I was a missionary.
We gathered our items and I wondered for a second what our next meeting would be about. President Donaldson had stopped by during lunch and asked us and the rest of our district to stay after zone conference for a few minutes.
We walked in and sat down around the table. At the front of the room, President Donaldson sat with Brother Allen, whom I had seen in the MTC, and another member of the Missionary Department, Brother Watson.
We started with a prayer, then President Donaldson cleared his throat and started speaking. Although they had been planning not to tell us yet, because of the rumors circulating, they wanted to let us know, so we could properly prepare.
Tell us what? Prepare for what? My mind tried to guess what was next, but was blank. Was it some kind of project for the mission? Would we be trying new techniques or something?
Then all of the sudden, I caught up with what he was saying. We would be filmed as a district and would be called District 2. Wait. What???
I felt the bottom of my stomach fall out. It was almost an out-of-body experience. Brother Allen and Brother Watson joined in, talking also. I heard them talking, but couldn’t totally process what they were saying. I felt a tiny bit of panic in the back of my mind thudding stronger and stronger.
“I don’t know enough. I haven’t even finished reading Preach My Gospel. I’m such a new missionary. I can’t speak Spanish. I don’t know what I was doing. I’m pretty shy. I don’t want to be filmed every day- I gained weight in the MTC.”
The doubts grew stronger and stronger, pretty much yelling in my mind. In the front of the room, they talked about how it would be filmed and used as a training tool for missionaries, but outside of missionaries, it probably wouldn’t be shown to too many members or used on TV or anything (ha!). By this point, I was close to hyperventilating.
Then they started talking about how they felt the Spirit in making this decision and invited us to pray about it. They said if we didn’t want to be involved, we could leave, no worries. Also, they said we could expect that we would experience a lot of change- maybe some transfers, etc. We would start hearing more in the future.
As I sat there and thought all the reasons I shouldn’t be a part of this, I felt a little inkling of peace in the middle. The Spirit prompted me to calm down. I thought, “This is going to be hard. But Heavenly Father will take care of me. He will help me meet the challenges that come.” As I clung to that thought, I felt the panic recede enough to truly listen again.
“I promised that as you study Preach My Gospel diligently, your abilities will increase rapidly and you will be made equal to what you are being asked to do.” I don’t know that I knew who said that, but the statement made me pause. I silently promised myself that I would do everything within my power to do what I was asked to do and leave the rest to the Lord.
Leaving that day, I was a little shaky. Over the next few days, Sister Zaldivar and I talked about it and thought about it and cried about it and prayed about it. I think we both felt the extreme weight of what we were being asked to do. Through it all, I kept feeling over and over that if I trusted in the Lord, He would protect me. What was coming was hard. I was being asked to do something that would require me to grow rapidly in a short amount of time. If I trusted, I could make it through all the hard times.
I had no clue just how hard the next few months would be or even what they would be like. I also had no clue how sweet and beautiful the next few months would be. I was beginning some of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I would ever do, and I will forever be grateful for the amazing people that surrounded me and supported me during the District and the incredible hard times that happened during it. Even now when I realize that I’m facing something hard, I get a little glimmer of that peaceful feeling and remember that the Lord really has blessed and protected me and made me who I needed to be to get through what I needed to do.
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